The following is a satire for the Opinions section.

It’s happened. One of the most infamous couples, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, have broken up sending shockwaves through Daily Mail and People Magazine. Some are asking: What caused this horrific breakup? Why the two were together in the first place but the most important often unasked question is what now?

It seems as if Kim has found herself in possession of the family’s $60 million house compound while Ye, clearly unhappy with this, has been seen peering from the bushes of his new $4 million teardown across the street. Then as soon as Kim began dating SNL’s Pete Davidson, Kanye too was spotted with actress Julia Fox. It was perfect… It was like how clocks work… It was like clockwork. And now for my poem.

The Kar-Jenners have horrific breakups,

make-ups, scandals, and bears.

They’ve maintained their royalty,

not much loyalty but have billions for their heirs.

Through thick and Skims, they’re always there

Distracting from the things that we should care… about

Ok that part doesn’t rhyme sorry. You get my point. Something sketchy is going on.

Queue the random guy screaming “IT’S A PLOY BY THE CLINTONS TO DISTRACT US FROM PIZZAGATE 2.”

He’s probably right, even though the first time it was a delusion. Because now everytime I watch the Kar-Jenners I feel as if my life blurs before my eyes. Which is exaCTLY WHAT THE CLINTONS WANT SO THEY CAN GO AROUND DRINKING THE BLOOD OF BABIES WITH SATANISTS AND BUILDINGS SPACE LASERS WITH LIZARD JEWS!!!

All because the Kar-Jenners have always had new life updates to share.