10

Go to church/synagogue/mosque.

“Ooh, that’s really early on a weekend.”

9

Stop gossiping.

“But seriously, Donald Trump called Rosie a what?”

8

Keep up with current events.

“Wait, did a head of state just die?”

7

Party less.

Border every *other* night.

6

Drink more water.

“Tonic water counts right?”

5

Go on a diet.

For those 21 and over, that means Coors Light and rum and Diet Coke. For those of you under 21 (and obviously not drinking), diet soda, cheese pizza and fat-free ranch.

4

Exercise.

Walking on the ice is like running on the treadmill anyway.

3

Eat balanced meals. Cheeseburger (dairy and protein), beer (starch), onion rings (vegetables) and the orange slice on the plate (fruit).

2

Spend less…

“Oh, is that a new Prada bag?”

1

Stop procrastinating.

“But I am going to start after the first weekend back.”

Think you’re funny?

Write a top ten list and PROVE it.

They must be original*… be creative.

Send it to jslosber@du.edu