The following is satire for the Opinions section.
April showers bring May flowers. That is, at least, the famous idiom. May is the time of release. Release of stress, release of seasonal depression (hopefully) and release from school. Except, of course, if you’re on a quarter system.
Oh look! We’re on a quarter system at DU. Delightful. Many of our friends who made better choices with their lives are not on a quarter system, and, in fact, are already free from school or heading into their finals. We, on the other hand, are looking at two more months of school. How exciting.
It is very easy to find yourself in a drought of happiness during this time. It’s hard not to fall into pessimism at the ever increasing laundry list of assignments we’re given while our friends are pretty much done.
So, praytell, how should we keep ourselves optimistic in this time of regret? Luckily I’ve compiled a useful list of proven techniques that improve mood and regulate emotions! Hopefully you’ll find them as useful as I have!
- Dropout
Thanks for reading my list! Now while you suckers are still stuck in school for several more months, I’m going back home to live off the land like my ancestors intended! That’s right, I’m going feral. Back to caveman brain. No need for higher thought where I’m going.
College education? For chumps! A career? More like a colossal L! Money? Why don’t you get more honeys! Sure, I could spend my time in college, trying to get a degree so that I can get a higher paid job and become a better, more intelligent, more well-rounded person. But, I could also try my luck becoming a let’s-player. That’s right, I’m on the sigma grindset. See you suckers when I’m rich and famous.
