10. “Why I’m Gonna Get So Much Attention In College”

9. “Chico, My Most Unforgettable Cellmate”

8. “Ds = As: My High School’s Complex Grading System”

7. “Gross Things I Did To Food When I Worked At McDonald’s”

6. “I Hired Some Chinese Kid To Write This Essay”

5. “Why The Admissions Director Loves His Car And Wouldn’t Want Anything Bad To Happen To It”

4. “A Few Ideas On What To Do With All Those Annoying Elderly People”

3. “Ashlee Simpson: Why?”

2. “Instead Of An Essay, Here’s a Photocopy Of Ward Churchill’s, uh, Thoughts”

1. “One Year In College, Then ‘Hello, NBA!'”

courtesy of David Letterman

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