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Satire

Home /Opinions/Satire
Featured

Election season 2024: Trading coin flips for dice

May 20, 2024 Emma Lawson

The following is satire for the Opinions section of the Clarion. As we approach the halfway mark for 2024, the new presidential election season draws…

Opinions

Presi-DU-ential Race: The rematch… but does it have to be?

March 11, 2024 Aidan Miller

The following is satire for the Opinions section of the Clarion The verdict is out, and it wasn’t even close. In a unanimous decision, The…

Opinions

Gen Z outsmarts the tobacco industry

February 19, 2024 Aidan Miller

The following is satire for the Opinions section Big tobacco has had a death grip on America since time immemorial, and who can blame America?…

Opinions

We need to talk about our dorm situation

January 22, 2024 Aidan Miller

The following is satire for the Opinions section. Where does our tuition money go? This is a question that has driven many a reporter before…

Opinions

The reason Joe Biden is running for re-election

May 8, 2023 Aidan Miller

The following is satire for the Opinions section. Joseph Robinette Biden, often colloquialized as merely Joe Biden, sometimes referred to as Sleepy Joe, is the…

On-Campus

How to stay optimistic even when your friends are in summer and you’re not

April 24, 2023 Aidan Miller

The following is satire for the Opinions section. April showers bring May flowers. That is, at least, the famous idiom. May is the time of…

Featured

Ghosts on Campus: Johnson-McFarland

April 10, 2023 Aidan Miller

The following is satire for the Opinions section. It’s no secret that the buildings and landmarks of campus are rich in history, both good and…

On-Campus

An apology to the Quackmire

April 3, 2023 Aidan Miller

The following is satire for the Opinions section. What better way is there to start off the quarter than acknowledging our past mistakes? The Clarion…

On-Campus

Is the Quackmire Endangering Life on Campus?

February 20, 2023 Aidan Miller

The following is satire for the Opinions section. What is the purpose of a university? Why do we trudge tired-eyed through the Denver snow to…

On-Campus

The University of Denver’s ‘subtle’ physical tests

February 13, 2023 Aidan Miller

The following is satire for the Opinions section. Yin and yang, light and darkness, a bowling ball and an egg. The universe is full of…

Posts pagination

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