Valentine’s Day is the one day of the year that turns most males into insecure, clingy pod-people versions of themselves and makes women feel as insecure and bad about themselves as when they are buying a new bathing suit.

I hate Valentine’s Day. I hate the fact that we all have to say “I love you;” whether we mean it or not.

I hate that if I am in a relationship, I have to go out to dinner. Most often, instead of dining quietly with the person I care about, Valentine’s Day dinner morphs into a big event at a restaurant where the rest of guilt-ridden America is bumping elbows.

And I hate the fact that if I am not in a relationship I must stay at home and pine.

But most of all, I hate the angst that Valentine’s Day creates.

I truly feel bad for the entire male gender. You are either stuck catering to one hysterical female or several.

If you are in a relationship and you have not had a specific conversation with your significant other about Valentine’s Day, it is assumed you are orchestrating a romantic production.

This must include flowers, which at this time of the year are overpriced and clichCB)d. Dinner at a restaurant is expected. You and every other couple are expected to spend the appropriate amount of time showing the world that you love each other.

Finally, after spending all this money and time, you end up wondering if what you did was enough. Does she know you love her?

Have you done enough for her to have something to brag to her friends about?

This, of course, is the real reason behind the angst of Valentine’s Day.

Not that Valentine’s Day is any less emotionally trying for women.

You can always tell when February is upon us because every female starts to go a little nuts.

She becomes singularly focused on whether or not she will have a date on Feb. 14.

And if she doesn’t, her self-worth plummets. A dateless Valentine’s Day is worse for female self-esteem than any Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue filled with near naked, perfect bodies.

It seems that around Valentine’s Day all of a woman’s self-affirming New Year’s resolutions not to rely on men to make her happy disappear. There are so many decisions to make.

What should you wear on this “surprise” date?

Do you stick with the traditional red and pink or do you dare to wear a color that is more flattering?

And what about those tiny unmentionables you admired in the latest issue of the Victoria’s Secret catalog ,which seems to have been delivered to every mailbox in the residence halls?

Let’s step back and take a look at what Valentine’s Day actually is.

It’s a day for couples to simultaneously torture each other and try to outdo their friends. A day when we say, “I love you” with flowers that are dying. A day when the already overweight Americans get permission to eat a pound of chocolate.

So let’s take a deep breath and step back and really rethink this whole holiday. Go out and enjoy it, but do it for the right reasons and not just because it is what is expected of you.