Dear Editor:

I would like to protest in the strongest possible terms various inaccuracies in the 22 April 2024 article “DU’s Mascot: The Burning Couch.” Permit me to respond to several flagrant errors that undermine the credibility of the alleged author, one “Mason Wageman.”

First, I am not the Director of the “Department” of Judaic Studies. Even the most cursory glance at my email signature will reveal that I am the Director of the Center for Judaic Studies. Those who “direct” academic departments are known as “chairs,” and as you are well aware, I trade solely in couches. Second, the article appears under the aegis of your paper’s “Opinion” section and identifies me as “DU’s No. 1 idea man,” thereby further fanning the flames of misinformation.

It is not just an opinion but rather an incontrovertible fact that I am “DU’s No. 1 idea man” (pound-for-pound). I recognize that the bar is admittedly low for idea men at DU, yet my resume includes an already successfully concluded campus reconceptualization: thanks to my ideation the ponds west of Mary Reed Hall have been transformed into a Lazy River.

Finally, I cast doubt on the very existence of the alleged author “Mason Wageman.” Surely this name is the addled fever dream of an AI-bot as it forms the anagram: “a man now games.” Don’t play with me, “Mr. Wageman,” for you are playing with fire.

Sincerely,

Adam Rovner, Ph.D.