The following is a satire for the Opinions section.

Dear Ghost Shrimp Appreciation Club, 

I would like to express my dismay at your abysmal meeting attendance. I can’t believe so many people missed your midnight and 5:00 a.m. meetings at the southwest corner of the —CENSORED–. Additionally, I apologize for my lack of shrimp costume and disinterest in fedoras.  

I have a proposition for you and your zero members. Let’s form an alliance. Meet me at the southwest corner of the –CENSORED– on –CENSORED-– I’ll bring shrimp cocktails and Trader Joe’s Ghosts & Bat chips. Or if that’s too much trouble, just email me. 

 

 

Sincerely,

Nina Morgenstein