Dear Editor, 

With the start of an uncertain school year, there is no denying the importance of mental health and the impact graduate school can have on our well-being. This fall starts my fourth year working on my Ph.D. in Chemistry. While I love what I do and wouldn’t change my path for anything, that doesn’t mean it has been easy. It has been the hardest three years of my life. One of the reasons that it has been so difficult is because no one talks about how grad school affects mental health. 

I spent my first two years of grad school in a deep depression. I wasn’t me, I wasn’t happy and I didn’t know why. I was constantly tired, stressed, sad and anxious. A constant dark cloud of imposter syndrome sat over my head. I’d wake in the middle of the night to nightmares about my research. Even when everything was going right, endless worry was always present. To me, I always needed to be better. I didn’t realize how distanced from myself I had become until the sixth time I almost quit my degree.

As a Ph.D. scientist, you answer unsolved and sometimes unidentified problems. Failure is inevitable. There are often many problems with countless avenues that could be taken. It is daunting. While I have found my true passion, met some of the most intelligent and inspiring people, and traveled and worked with some of the top researchers in my field, that doesn’t mean this has been easy. Graduate school is great, but what you can’t see is the impact these experiences have on mental health.

I am extremely lucky to have been pulled out of this persistent, negative cycle just in the nick of time. I was on a run with a friend who happened to mention her counseling sessions and how much they have helped. I decided to put my well-being first and started working with a counselor to be more honest about how I was feeling. As I began to open up, I realized that almost every one of my colleagues undergoes a similar experience. 

This leads me to my point: let’s talk about this. Let’s be open about it and recognize it is a serious problem in academia, research and graduate school in general.

I’ll end with this—every time I talk about my struggles with mental health, I am asked, “Does this mean you would change your decision to start grad school?” Absolutely not! But it does mean I would have learned to prioritize myself and my mental health before putting it to the test. 

I hope I can use my experiences to help others, so they can avoid going through what I did. I had overwhelming support from my advisor, friends and family, but I struggled (and still do) with my mental health. DU has an incredible team of mental health counselors available to us, and I would not be where I am today without taking that first step to see one of them. Talk with your supervisors, lab mates and friends. Allow mental health in graduate school to become a part of the discussion. 

Rachel Davey

Analytical Chemistry Ph.D. Candidate