Come Sunday, all eyes will be on the Levi’s Stadium as the Denver Broncos face off against the Carolina Panthers. The last thing you want is for everyone at the Super Bowl party or sports bar to re-direct their eyes on you because you’re overly-intoxicated or keep announcing that you only watch the Super Bowl for the commercials. Avoid adopting all of these personas and we promise you’ll have a great time without ruining anyone else’s fun.
1. That guy that gets sloppy drunk and utters ludicrous statements like “I can throw a football farther than Peyton Manning.”
2. That obnoxious couple that insists on talking in overly-sweet, borderline baby-talk voices: “No, snuggluffagus, extra points are only worth one point.”
3. That person who tries too hard to show his or her dedication despite not having watched a game all year and having no investment in either team. Will likely throw a paperweight or a coaster.
4. That person who announces they only watch for the commercials, proceeds to talk throughout the broadcast then shushes everyone during the commercial breaks.
5. That person who cheers every time players tap each other on the butt.
6. That guy that analogizes this game to his high school football career.
7. That person who draws sweeping conclusions from every single play.
8. That person who repeatedly says the referees are trying to give the game to the other team.
9. That person who makes their significant other uncomfortable by constantly commenting on how attractive Eric Decker is even though he left the Broncos two years ago and is not at the Super Bowl.
10. That person who thinks they are a member of the team. Likely to use the phrase, “we’ve got to put [insert name here] in” or “the refs are screwing us.”
11. That channel-changer who misses key plays so they can check the weather or catch up on Top Chef.
12. That person who shows up midway through the second quarter and immediately claims a seat that blocks everyone’s view.
13. That person who wants to challenge every play, yet has no idea what the basic rules of football are.
14. That person who almost got Super Bowl tickets and goes on and on about why it fell through or how amazing their seats would have been.
