What did anyone expect from “Torque”? A plot? Well, there isn’t one. But there are lots and lots of impossibly stunt-filled bike chases. Oh, and a surplus of leather-clad ladies. But we knew that much was going in.
Biker Cary Ford played by Martin Henderson, is a crazy guy with a lot going on in his life. No matter how hard he tries, he always seems to cause trouble. That’s a problem for him, especially when he causes trouble while sitting smack in the middle of a motorcycle gang feud. When he skipped town months ago, Ford had several motorcycles belonging to Henry played by Matt Schulze, a drug dealer and the leader of the Hellions biker gang. Turns out that there was something more valuable than gas in those tanks a million bucks of crystal meth. No, I’m not kidding. But, Ford doesn’t think this one through, and is less than willing to return the bikes. In no time flat, Henry frames Ford for the murder of Junior, the younger brother of rival biker gang leader Trey played by Ice Cube. Life goes downhill from there.
For one thing, Ford has woman problems. That is to say he left his girlfriend Shane, played by, Monet Mazur, in the dust when he disappeared months ago. She is not thrilled to see him again. So, in addition to worrying about killer bikers on his trail, Ford has to figure out how to get Shane to take him back.
Eventually, Ford has a total of two murderous motorcycle gang leaders and two FBI agents who are after him. What does he do?
Ford spends no time fretting, and hops on the nearest crotch rocket and spends the rest of the film happily speeding through the desert, and through a train…but that’s another story. Along the way, he fights off all sorts of bad guys with his mad Kung-Fu-like motorcycle skills. Hi-ya.
The only decent part of “Torque” was the great rapport between Dalton played by Jay Hernandez, and Val played by Will Yun Lee, who are Ford’s two motorcycling buddies. Although the characters are almost parodies of themselves, they provide some entertainment between endlessly boring stretches of bike chases.
I almost wish the film had been based on Dalton and Val, instead of the intolerably cheeky Ford. Wait, scratch that. I completley wish that the film had been based on Dalton and Val.
The one thing I can say about “Torque” is that it was exactly what I expected: a film as cheesy as a gallon of Velveeta. That isn’t to say the visuals weren’t spectacular at times – they were, when they didn’t look like Gamecube graphics. Gamecube graphics liberally sprinkled with Pepsi logos, that is.
Director Joseph Kahn said, “There has never been a great motorcycle chase movie.” I couldn’t agree more. But hey, if you really want to blow eight bucks on this sucker, go for it. Keep in mind that you’ll kill off at least a million brain cells by seeing “Torque,” and halfway through the movie, you’ll start to envy them.
