All one has to do is look around and notice that while the free market capitalist economy has the potential to make you richer, so too can it force you to buy the dented cans of vegetables and soup.

This trend has even hit our dear campus where I find that not a day goes by without me being tempted to steal the pennies from the “Leave-a-penny, drop-a-penny” cup or volunteer for a psychology experiment, though I am sure this gal would just go off the intelligence quotient scale.

Hindsight in mind, I have developed a laundry list of ideas to make us all richer.

And though, like most DU students I am very selfish, snobby, preppy and any other stereotype you can imagine, out of the goodness of my heart I have decided to share my ideas with readers.

Plus, most of these ideas have gone largely untested, so I need guinea pigs that will work pro bono.

First we must let ourselves forego the idea that having a work-study job is all we need.

While it is still good money, our tendency to have a Tivo, Ipod, and Burberry golf glove can promptly exhaust this income.

So even if you do see Coach or Gucci at the Driscoll front desk that just means they are imitations.

No work-study students can afford that or they wasted all their money on pre-popped polo shirts and anyone can get those on E-bay or amazon.com.

Secondly, we must realize that for every cynic there is a total dork willing and ready to buy anything you have. Granted they may still be in primary school and below the age of seven but who else is going to buy those ugly pairs of Puma shoes that went out of style as soon as you bought them?

You have to be aware of your target audience, and if that means selling old packs of fun dip from the 1980s or that slap-on bracelet with war scars on it then you are just going to have to suck it up and sell.

If people like John Leguizamo quit … then we wouldn’t have some movie I forgot the name to that he was in.

Thirdly, target the rich people who are still feeling the effects of last night’s Red Bull and Grey Goose Benefit.

After all, anyone who goes to a benefit has to have some serious cash.

I mean if that weren’t the case then we would all be going to benefits instead of the Border or getting 50 tacos for $5.99 at Taco Bell.

At this juncture, I imagine you have photo-copied, memorized, tacked this article under your coat lapel and sent me a perfumed card expressing thanks but I have another piece of advice.

In order for any of this to work you have to put effort into it.

Just because you see students at front desks cop an attitude and play on their computers doesn’t mean they aren’t doing their job.

Who’s to say that the job description didn’t call for apathetic snobs to work these areas in order to portray this indifferent coolness?

Of course, you would have to think that being an apathetic snob is swanky and chic, which in most cases is not true.

Then again I can’t blame you for trying because not many can be as super cool as me … I guess.

And if you try my methods and they don’t work, I am sure I will hear something about in a letter to the editor.

In which case I lay the blame on you … maybe you just didn’t do it right.