There are some places that society never openly discusses. Area 51, for example, still is a mystery hidden in conspiracy. What happens in the city of Las Vegas stays in… is avoided by the rest of the country. And town of Fryburg, N.D. rarely becomes a topic of discussion. There are many reasons explaining why certain places such as these are never talked about, a lack of understanding, a fear of the government, a fear of losing one’s reputation, or even a fear of finding out who you thought was your good friend turns out to be a alien conspires who talks to you for hours upon end about the UFO he thinks he saw and refuses to get that huge statue of Devils Tower out of your living room…speaking in generalities. It often takes someone brave and bold to touch on such hushed areas such as these.

Here today, I am going to be that someone. I am here to uncover a location on campus so taboo the chancellor himself avoids bringing it up in conversation. This place that I am uncovering is, well…the bathroom. Known by many aliases such as: Lavatory, water closet, or restroom, fire hydrant, and is used by all (excluding some rare exceptions, such as drunk pee’ers, and the outdoorsy woods shatters).

Discussion is long over due.

When examining the restroom there are that two categories must be taken into account. Both the public/community bathroom and the private bathroom have their own advantages and disadvantages. While the private bathroom provides a peaceful place for one can sing spice girls at the top of their lungs, the public restroom provides a variety of Literature carved upon the walls. However, the public bathroom also puts one in a situation where they may have to deal with mysterious “hairs” on the toilet. Private bathrooms, on the other hand present the problem of actually having to clean.

However as an investigative journalist, I ventured across campus, eating meals consisting of only two gallons of water and baked beans, to find the premiere facilities on campus. After testing many buildings, dorm rooms, and bushes, I found the bathroom that was beyond all others. The floors are made entirely of marble, the sinks of what I could only assume is sliver, the air has a smell of sweet rosemary. Located on the main floor of the HRTM buildings this hidden wonder should no longer be overlooked. The ten-minute walk from Towers would not seem absurd after resting ones self down on a toilet crafted for the bowels of Zeus himself. I questioned one exquisite bathroom user, he remarked “Yea it’s nice, I guess, can you not look at me while I pee, it’s creeping me out.” People came and left as I stood gazing upon the bathroom’s beauty, some may find this fascination with bathrooms out of the ordinary, including Campus Safety that escorted me out of the building after responding to a report of “a creepy man watching people pee.” They just did not understand the finer things of life. But now, you can take advantage of the best DU has to offer.