As we approach the end of winter, especially if you live in Colorado, it becomes time to play that very preppy game called golf.

To many, golf is gentlemen only, ladies forbidden. A game in which fat old men are driven around on a small cart fit for two people while scamming on the poor beverage cart girl.

This is, however, not true, as I have had the luxury to play and found the game tremendous. It is also so inspiring to see men, women and children of all races participating.

Regardless of the wonders of the game, I noticed that not many DU students play.

How is this possible? After all, do we not live and act in the unspoken world of preppyland?

Well, if you live this dichotomy, I encourage you to take up golf by following a few simple steps.

First, you need to get yourself some clubs and golf balls, because you won’t be using mine.

You may consider selling surplus “beverages” for some extra coinage.

Secondly, sign up for lessons with me.

Actually, this will benefit me.

You will look dumb and I will look, well like the good person I am, magnified by your poor skills.

Plus, I might get a discount if I don’t bring you again.

Lastly, make sure to wear a T-shirt when you go golfing, as this will guarantee you a solid farmer’s tan.

Remember, people are laughing with you, not at you…except for me, I’m just laughing at you.

I would like to leave my readers with some final thoughts.

Come golf with me…I would like to beat people that aren’t four-years old, know that the cat is in the hat, and can afford to pay for me.

As many of you winter sports people know, skis and snowboards are expensive. And golf comes in installment plans by comparison.

Additionally, there is a finite limit to the times I can play a public course for $6 without hankering for the acclaimed pro-tour courses and suffocating from second-hand smoke and beer fumes.

And no, I can’t make extra money by selling beer. I don’t drink very much and people don’t seem to like my panhandling. Apparently it has something to do with saving their money for gas, and for the fortunate few, diesel.