While I am an addict for the latest technology and pine for the coolest gadgetry, I don’t have the income to afford it and apparently workers’ compensation isn’t available in the work-study program, if I were to have a “stapler incident.”

Though there are certain things in life that I would be willing to shell out money for, I have found that a particular item from Apple will not tempt me.

For the past few years Apple has dominated the MP3 market with the advent of the Apple Ipod.

And for the past few years I have resisted buying one.

Why should I spend $300 on a piece of technology that can’t even order me some tacos?

Coincidentally, others have been thinking the same thing.

As a result, Apple being the shrewd company it is, has recently released the Apple Shuffle.

With the poor in mind, Apple’s latest creation resembles a USB Easy Disk and plays up to 250 songs for $99. $99? For 250 songs? For all I care, the Apple Shuffle can get run over by one of the DU kids that drives a Hummer.

Why do I desire the demise of the Apple Shuffle? For one thing the Apple Shuffle shuffles your songs.

You never know what song is going to play next.

Like every other person I enjoy predictability.

Secondly, why would I want to buy the cheapest Apple product?

Just so everyone else who has a real MP3 player can make fun of me?

It would be like the person buying the Burberry case for the Ipod that they haven’t bought yet.

To all the Apple users and Ipod consumers, shame on you and your family.

Thanks to you, now I have to save my paychecks and sell a kidney to buy an MP3 player. It’s not enough to pop my Polo collar anymore and be super cool.