A man’s role in issues of sexual assault and violence against women was addressed last week at “You Throw Like a Girl: Sports, Identity and Violence,” a presentation by former All-American athlete and NFL quarterback Don McPherson.
The discussion was aimed mostly at the males in the audience and having an “honest discussion” on the subject of violence against women, McPherson said.
“We, as men, have to be involved in the dialogue before the violence happens,” said McPherson.
McPherson cited alcohol as the number one date rape drug. Ladies night, he said, should be illegal. It is a business strategy to attract men who will show up because of the presence of drunk women, he added.
He also remarked on the similarities between drunk driving laws and rape laws. In both, the threshold is 0.08. At that blood alcohol level, a person gives up his or her right to drive. They also give up their right to consent to having sex.
A significant part of the presentation was spent defining what it is to be a man. According to male audience members, being a man means to be a provider, protector and lover, as well as brave, resilient and tough.
These definitions place men in very narrow boxes. They are part of a “narrow understanding of masculinity,” according to McPherson. They should not be the only way men are defined. New terms need to be added, such as caring and empathetic.
The worst insult a boy can hear? “You play like a girl,” McPherson said.
The harm of this phrase is not only that the boy feels emasculated, but the implication that girls are “less than.” That implication makes it easier for people, particularly men, to disrespect them. The idea of people being “less than” is partly what Nazi Germany was founded on, McPherson said.
“These are the issues we’ve all been raised not to talk about,” said McPherson.
He placed the responsibility on adults to discuss these topics before they happen, not after. He described adults as “uncomfortable and unprepared” when dealing with these types of situations. It is important for the dialogue to commence prior to something serious happening.
“We sell you sex non-stop-hooking up, temporary, shallow sex,” not real, healthy relationships, McPherson said.
The solutions to the problems of abuse against women, lack of a man’s role, and absence of conversation about these issues should be based on things that people do every single day, McPherson said.
The solution is not the prevention language taught in many schools. “Just say no” is not the answer, asserted.
According to McPherson, being in college is part of the solution. College expands students’ perspectives. The more information students receive, the more likely they are to make better decisions. College is also about building relationships, he said. These relationships force people to look out for one another.
The attitude that classifies sexual assault and abuse as women’s issues is incorrect.
“They’re not just women’s issues. They’re human issues, people issues, so they’re men’s issues,” said McPherson.
He urges men to become part of the solution: It is “essential that we as men be part of the solution because we have not been.” Men have told women to protect themselves against men.
“We all become part of the solution with our voices,” McPherson said.
McPherson’s main words of advice: “Be a part of the discussion. Don’t be part of the silence.”
