Wednesday’s lecture, “Why date within your faith?” by Doron Kornbluth posed many important questions to the college audience of more than 40. He challenged the audience to think about their personal lives in a different manner.
It seems to me that most college students view the college experience somewhat like a spring break experience, i.e. what happens in college stays in college. Unfortunately, that mindset will not get anyone very far.
College is supposed to prepare you for the rest of your life; that is, at least (supposedly) the idea behind taking classes in your area of interest. Shouldn’t it hold true that our personal relationships and experiences will holdover to our “next life?”
So, in what you are planning on doing in life, shouldn’t you take steps, even baby steps, to start in college? They say this about eating and exercise habits, time management skills or even where you want to live. It seems only natural that your interpersonal relationships also matter. If marrying someone of your same faith matters to you then why not start in college?
Kornbluth cited many reasons why establishing this pattern is important. First, for most people their level of religious involvement is relatively high during their formative years, but it experiences a lull in high school, college and into the twenties. Once a person reaches their thirties it spikes up again as they are raising their children.
This makes sense. While truly we have no way of knowing our spiritual path I don’t think that it takes too much foresight to predict where your head will be in 10 or 20 years. I mean, they can predict stars blowing up, truly we have enough self-awareness to make an educated guess.
For me, I was raised in a conservative Jewish home with all that went along with it: Rosh HaShannah and brisket, Pesach and gilfete fish, Shavout and blintzes, Hannuakh and latkes, Purim and HaMantaschen and chopped liver whenever my parents had an excuse. Not to mention fasting on Yom Kippur and Saturday mornings spent in synagogue.
One should note that nowhere in there is there a mention of a Christmas tree or the Easter bunny. And I might not be able to tell you where I will be or what I will be doing in 10 or 20 years but I can tell you that over my dead body will there be a Christmas tree or Easter egg hunt at my house. Maybe that sounds harsh, but it is the truth.
I grew up with certain traditions, beliefs and ideals that my parents spent a lot of time and energy instilling. Not only do I feel strongly about instilling them in my children but I feel as though I owe that honor to my parents. That might not be a popular line of thinking but that is me being honest, and in dealing with interpersonal relationships honesty is the most important ingredient.
And, yes, I can be honest in a relationship and tell any potential partners that this is only temporary. But I would be hard-pressed to feel good about it. I know the concept of “Mr. Right-Now” is totally acceptable, but why would I want to risk my ideals and my beliefs in the off-chance “Mr. Right-Now” turns into “Mr. Right?”
People often say that the best way to get to know different people is to date them. Well, I disagree. Maybe my view of relationships is wrong, I always have viewed my past romantic relationships as friendships–close friendships–but with sex. You take the sex away and then you have a friendship. With a friendship I can experience another culture and I don’t need to be in a relationship with them.
In the future I would have no problem taking part in a friend’s traditions and having that family over for my traditions. In fact I am counting on it to help me raise my children to have a full understanding. But my children will know we have a menorah and not a Christmas tree in our house.
