You are a woman, walking home from a bar near campus one night with a few friends. Maybe not the best idea, but a reality, and you feel relatively safe because you are clutching in your damp palm the “magical” whistle you got from Campus Safety.

Of course you have studied the yellow instruction card that came in the plastic wrap with the shiny whistle.

You are, according to the card, one of the growing number of people using “American Defenders.” The whistles are the same ones used by the National Fraternal Order of Police and should be used to signal your need for help.

Described as safe, non-violent, shrill, loud and of very high quality, the whistles are supposed to keep you safe if used correctly.

The American Whistle Corporation provides five scenarios for correct use of the whistle on the inside of the card.

Scenario 1: “If you’re accosted on the street” blow the whistle and call the police as soon as possible. Running might be a start or possibly just a first reaction for anyone, but not correct use. Blow the whistle and call police.

Scenario 2: “If you fear trouble on the street” run to the middle of the street, blow your whistle and call the police. You sort of worry about this instruction since if you are on the way from a bar near campus, running into the middle of University Boulevard might get you hit by a drunken driver leaving the bar’s parking lot in his or her car.

Scenario 3: “If you see trouble on the street” blow the whistle, keep a safe distance and call the police.

Scenario 4: “If you see trouble from your home” call the police, open a window and start blowing and as other whistles blow go outside and keep blowing.

Scenario 5: “If you hear a whistle” call the police, blow your whistle and move toward the first whistle while continuing to blow your whistle.

The key to safety seems to be to simply “blow the whistle.”

Picture this: a bunch of whistles blowing simultaneously out of windows in J-Mac or Nelson or Halls. Just wait until the neighbors call the cops to demand that whistles be confiscated.

On the other hand, it can be argued that since students have had whistles now for a month and have scrupulously followed the instructions on whistle use given by the American Whistle Corporation, we have enjoyed a crime-free campus thanks to the presence of whistles.

But there are doubters.

“I feel safer with Mace,” said Meaghan Kelly. “If no one is around to hear the whistle what is it going to do? Rape usually occurs when no one is around.”

Kelly believes that the whistles are a dumb idea and can’t imagine a whistle protecting her.

“All the ways it says to use it are ridiculous,” said Jodie Darnell. “Maybe you could [blow the whistle loud enough in the assaulters ear to] startle the guy for long enough to kick him in the balls.”

According to Darnell, you “have to depend on others hearing the whistles and helping out or calling the police.”

However, if someone chooses to use the American Defender Personal Safety Whistle, hopefully we will all recognize the obnoxious sound and start blowing our whistles and flood the 911 lines.

Apparently, that is the key to safety.