A new dilemma is sweeping the nation and the University of Denver campus. Black coffee drinkers have become a real minority and they are not happy about it. As lines for Starbucks lead out the door, is there any hope for a speedy pick-me-up for these coffee purists?
Self-proclaimed coffee aficionado and former barista Zach Vernon believes the process on campus could be much more efficient.
“Most places have a specific person there to get the black coffee versus like the fancy drinks, but it’ll take me 15 seconds to order a coffee, and the people in front of me take like 5 minutes each just to list their order. I should be in and out,” he said.
With more and more coffee shops having a plethora of milk, sugar, cream and flavoring options, black coffee drinkers are struggling to grab a quick cup of joe. Starbucks offers over 170,000 ways to customize beverages. 79% of Dunkin Donuts’ customers prefer flavored coffee over the plain.
It’s a new world now. A world where Bashar Muslih’s tweet “When you’re waiting at Starbucks for your black coffee but the person before you ordered venti ice crisscross apple sauce double shot check engine oat milk diet coke macchiato with light triangle ice cubes,” has become reality.
The black coffee drinkers of DU put up with more than enough long Starbucks lines and given that black coffee drinkers are more likely to be psychopaths, we really need to look out for their mental health. Luckily for our coffee purists, there is a fun hack to getting quick coffee on campus: Einstein’s meal swipes.
Unlike Starbucks’ limited-time meal swipe policy, Einstein’s goes all day and allows students to get hot coffee and a bagel for a meal swipe. So if you’re a black coffee drinker looking for some rare efficiency, check out Einstein’s to dodge the lines.
Although black coffee drinkers may be fed up with long lines and complicated orders, the rest of the world is finding more fun than ever in coffee. Starbucks reports that it sells $1 billion worth of coffee drinks with add-ons a year, a number that has doubled since 2019. Lots of students on DU’s campus find joy in frequent visits to Starbucks for tasty modified drinks.
Business management student Jake Hughes, for example, enjoys a fun drink between classes.
“I usually get a cinnamon dulce latte with an extra shot of espresso,” he said.
Sophomore Aly Rodriguez likes “an oat milk dirty iced chai with an extra shot of espresso,” when she’s in the mood for Starbucks.
Whether it’s pitch-black coffee or a sweet modified drink, everyone needs a pick-me-up during stressful finals studying. Coffee in all its forms is tasty and valid. Proud coffee purists and pink drink fans alike can find common ground in caffeine-fueled days of class, and come together despite the great coffee divide.
