The following is satire for the opinions section.

On 10 Downing St., May 2020, PM Boris Johnson was busy writing up new legislation that would allow him to throw the craziest 10-minute party he’s ever seen. The new law entailed that as long as all guests present at the party were wearing silly party hats, it would be allowed. The party hats were purchased and the scheme was set into motion as the month of June crept closer. 

Finally, it was birthday time.

As his wife, Carrie, sang “the Happy Birthday Song” to him—for which she did not pay royalties—Johnson’s poll slippage was set in motion. But he was no match for what legislation was in place at the time, nor was he apparently aware of it either. Fortunately, no one, except the poor little birthday boy’s feelings, got hurt.

The party, which hosted 30 people wearing silly party hats, likely catered Domino’s pizza and a delicious chocolate cake, but the most important catered food item was the truth. Boris Johnson’s decision to break the laws his own legislature made was, according to some sources, “ignorant” and “stupid.” The man turned to the classic politician’s response. 

“I didn’t do it!” Johnson said, claiming to have only spent 10 minutes at the party. He reported to Sky News that he did not even know that the law existed. 

“Frankly, at the time, it did not even occur to me that this might be a breach of the rules,” he said. 

Clearly, when you’re a prime minister, not knowing the rules is just part of the job description. One has to wonder: did the Queen forget to tell him not to host gatherings during a worldwide pandemic? I guess it just slipped her mind. 

“At least he said sorry,” said no one.

On a more serious note, Johnson’s hair looks funny, and he deserves to be fired for lying in office and breaking the laws of his own legislature. Gambling websites such as gambling.com have cited a one-in-four chance Johnson loses his job this year. The pollster, Chris Curtis, cited that 6 in 10 want him out of office. 

He can keep his job. It’s not like they can fire him for breaking the law—as if that would make any sense. For him to be ousted, a confidence vote would need to take place with a bunch of political mamajama involved. Political mamajama is complicated, so it probably will not happen. 

Happy birthday, Boris Johnson!