This has been a good year for movies. Smash hits like “Juno” and “Atonement” are reminding us daily that filmmaking is truly an art form. However, with all these excellent films inundating the market, one could easily forget that sometimes movies are terrible. Uwe Boll’s “In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale” is a wonderful reminder that films can be painful to watch.

“In the Name of the King” starts off with the wizard Gallian(Ray Liotta) making out with the lady wizard Muriella (Leelee Sobieski). Gallian appears to be draining magic power from Muriella after they briefly discuss magic, among other things. However, it is not entirely clear what exactly is going on.

From here, the film moves to our main character, a farmer… aptly named Farmer. The fact that he is the only character in the movie named after his job should be a clear indication of where the movie is heading. Farmer is shown with his family, and together they talk at length about how much they like being alive and how nothing bad happens to them. This is not an oversimplification as that is almost a verbatim rendition of what they say.

Naturally, something bad happens to them. A bunch of monsters attack their village at the behest of the evil wizard Gallian. Yes, as it turns out, he is evil. He might also be a vampire but it is unsure and explaining the evidence would take too long.

The monsters continue to attack and the villagers employ the cunning tactic of running around in circles while they are very gradually slaughtered. The monsters make a grave tactical error in attacking Farmer, however, because he is not only a farmer, but a master of martial arts for unclear reasons. Farmer quickly teams up with his wisecracking friend Norick, played by Ron Perlman, and together they go about being generally violent in an effort to save Farmer’s wife from the clutches of Gallian.

From here, the movie moves to a plot in which the Duke Fallow (Matthew Lillard) tries to steal the throne from King Konreid (Burt Reynolds). There are also ladies who swing from trees and throw vines at people, and then ninjas show up from out of nowhere. Despite the grave circumstances, everything somehow gets resolved at the end.

We will start by saying something good about this movie, because that will go quickly. Jason Statham rocks hardcore. His abilities as a martial artist pretty much carry all of the action scenes. Ron Perlman seems to have been allowed to make the occasional unscripted wisecrack, making him the most amusing character in the movie. Also, there were ninjas which are always a good element to have.

The remainder of this 126-minute travesty is an utter waste. Every aspect of the film is ripped off from the “Lord of the Rings”…badly. The musical score is epic, but keys up at inappropriate moments. There are a few instances of elves, but they behave more like Cirque du Soleil rejects than anything that fits the setting. There is even a clash between two wizards that very closely mirrors the one in Peter Jackson’s epic trilogy.

In addition, the acting is wooden. Burt Reynolds appears to be in the film, but who knows for sure? It might have merely been a cardboard cutout of Burt Reynolds.

Also, Matthew Lillard seemed to be making a game of just how poorly he could deliver his lines before they fired him. Even Statham, who should be used to the idiotic one-liners and nonsensical story of the action movies he stars in, strains to deliver his lines without either laughing or crying but it is hard to tell which. Why an actor of Ray Liotta’s caliber consented to appear in this film is beyond logic and reason.

Add in to the mix Boll’s amazing ability to focus on a scene for all of 14 seconds before cutting to a completely different scene, then cut back after 12 seconds there, and then cut to a third scene 20 seconds after that, and you have a train wreck of modern cinema.

It was so disjointed and confusing that a number of people in the theatre walked out. They paid $9for a ticket and just could not bring themselves to sit all the way through it.

This movie is a great choice if burning your money or throwing it down the toilet does not seem like a grand enough gesture.