There are two things that one can safely assume about video games. First, if a game is popular, someone will make a movie version of it. Second, the movie will be terrible. Not surprisingly, “Max Payne” fits the mold.

Based on the video game released in 2001, “Max Payne” follows the story of homicide detective Max Payne (Mark Wahlberg), a renegade cop on the edge with something to prove and nothing to lose.

Having lost his wife and newborn to a seemingly random act of violence three years earlier, Payne now works in the cold case department, desperately searching for any clue to his wife and baby’s killer. In a series of seemingly unrelated events, Payne happens to run afoul of Mona Sax (Mila Kunis), an assassin or something, who is hunting for her sister Natasha’s (Olga Kurylenko) killer.

As it so happens, Payne becomes the prime suspect in the hunt for Natasha’s killer ,and the two come into conflict…for a second.

Also involved are Max’s old friend BB (Beau Bridges) and the mysterious pharmaceutical company Aesir, which previously employed Payne’s wife.

It’s obvious the filmmakers were trying to get away from the video game “Max Payne” as much as possible.

To do so, they hacked the story told by the game to pieces, selected only choice bits (those bits being little more than the characters’ names) and completely rewrote it to fit their own vision.

Unfortunately, their vision is a sloppy, disjointed mess that’s about as subtle as a swift kick to the nuts and almost as pleasant.

No matter how you look at it, there’s not a lot going for “Max Payne.” First of all, the characters are about as deep as puddles. Their motives are simple and transparent. In the few instances that things get more complicated, character dialogue artlessly explains it away. Payne wants justice, Sax wants revenge, and that’s about the extent of it.

On the flipside, the characters’ actions can hardly be understood. Payne is obviously looking for his wife’s killer, but he goes about it in such a nonsensical way.

Why beat up random thugs on the subway?

Why go to a party and fail to get information from the woman you think might have information when she tries to sleep with you?

Combine that with his inability to make the simplest connection between the wing tattoo on the people he meets and the EXACT same tattoo on one of his wife’s attackers is just depressing.

The performances aren’t exactly mind-blowing either. Wahlberg, usually an excellent actor in an action role, seems as confused by the script as the audience. Kunis sleepwalks through her role as the inconsequential assassin. Rapper turned actor Ludacris does a decent job as Internal Affairs agent Jim Bravura, but then again he has few lines in the movie.

To the film’s credit, it does do an all right job integrating aspects of Norse mythology…for a while.

This could have been a subtle, interesting element of the film, but like so much else in “Max Payne,” it gets explained to the point of meaninglessness halfway through.

The video game was often criticized for its over-the-top film-noir storytelling. Ironically enough, this movie would have benefitted from exactly that.

In the opening of the movie, Payne narrates, “I don’t believe in God. I believe in pain.”

After seeing the film, you’ll share this sentiment. By all means, pass this one up.