At age 11, Monica Daye attended a church convention with her family where a stranger pulled her into an empty elevator.
“He said to do exactly what he told me to and I wouldn’t get hurt,” she said. “He showed me a knife and I remember feeling like I didn’t know what was happening but I knew something was about to happen.”
The man took Daye to the fourth floor of the hotel and into a deserted stairwell.
“That night, he took my virginity. He took my life. He took my soul. He took my spirit. What might have only lasted 15 or 20 minutes seemed like a lifetimetime for me.”
Rape survivor, social activist, and slam poet Monica Daye, now 26, shared her experience with sexual assault as part of Take Back the Night last Wednesday, a national event that supports freedom from sexual assault and abuse. The event was part of DU’s Sexual Assault Awareness Week and featured a rally, candlelight vigil, open mic and dialogue with Daye. Over 70 DU students, staff, and community members attended the event.
“When you are violated like that, you don’t really want to talk to anyone because you don’t really understand what’s going on. You just feel hurt. You feel nasty. You feel violated,” Daye said.
DU’s Take Back the Night honored survivors like Daye with a rally despite the drizzle and threatening skies.
“We have the power, we have the might! The streets are ours; take back the night!” participants shouted.
Lisa Ingarfield, the director of DU’s Gender Violence Education and Support Services Office, led the group from the Driscoll Student Center to East Evans Avenue, her pink beanie bouncing as she encouraged others to clap and chant along with her.
Cars on South University Boulevard honked as they read the neon-green sign sophomore Nate Knife carried in the march: “Give a voice to the silenced! My best friend is a survivor.”
As the rally turned onto South Josephine Street and Sorority Row, several girls stood at the front door of the Delta Zeta house.
The rally then returned to Driscoll Lawn and ended with a moment of silence. Candles were lit in memory of victims of sexual assault and gender violence.
Following the vigil, an open mic event was held in Driscoll Ballroom, where participants were offered the opportunity to share their feelings and reactions.
“I’ve been surprised about how many people I’ve met who have been victims of sexual assault or gender violence,” said senior Abbas Jaffer. “We need to reevaluate how we relate to one another as people.”
Senior Jessica Campbell was moved to tears. “I really want to thank you, because this means so much to a survivor or to someone whose mother or daughter or grandma is a survivor. You are breaking the silence and breaking the barrier.”
Monica Daye has been breaking barriers since she first began speaking out in 2004 about her experiences with sexual assault and domestic violence. She is the founder of the nonprofit organization Stand Up Speak Out and the author of the book And You Thought You Had Problems Well This Is My Life.
“I am an activist,” Daye said. “I share my story through poetry because poetry was a healer for me. It was the way I could express myself through the things that I have been through.”
After Daye was raped, she ran away from home at age 12 and entered into a relationship with a 17-year-old who was physically, emotionally and sexually abusive.
“I associated love with sex. He would beat me and he would rape me constantly. He would do what he wanted to do to me, but I was too afraid to leave,” she said. “At 14, I was a victim of abuse twice over.”
When her boyfriend was arrested on drug charges, Daye took the chance to return home. However, she still felt out of control.
Daye and a group of her friends set up a fight with a girl at school and ended up choking her and beating her. They also abused her sexually.
This is when Daye realized that she had “become the abuser. The things that had happened to me – I found myself doing it to someone else.”
Daye was arrested for her part in the attack and spent the following two years in a juvenile center, where she began to write.
“I didn’t know that love wasn’t supposed to hurt,” she said. “I was used to being in a relationship where I got hurt.”
Daye entered into another violent relationship after her release from the juvenile center. However, she was finally convinced to walk away after seven years because she didn’t want her young daughter to grow up believing violence was okay. Daye has been speaking out against sexual assault ever since.
“We are going to fight ’till we can’t fight no more,” Daye said. “You are the voice for this community. You are a survivor. Let your voice be heard.”
For more information on Monica Daye, visit www.monicadaye.com. The Gender Violence Education and Support Services office at DU can be reached through www.du.edu/studentlife/Sexual_Assault/. Survivors at DU can also call (303) 871-3456 for support 24 hours a day, 7 days a week during the academic year.