Last Tuesday, Heath Ledger, one of Hollywood’s most talented young actors, died at just 28. The Oscar-nominated Australian was reportedly troubled of late and, with many prescription pills found in his New York apartment, authorities have speculated that he took his own life, though toxicology reports won’t be out for another week.
He isn’t the first actor or entertainer to die young, nor is he the first to take his own life, if that is truly the case. But whether you’re a fan of Heath Ledger’s work or not, his story is relevant to all of us in our transformative years.
As our generation wakes up to the realities of the world-through education and through growing knowledge and experience-the world can seem an overwhelming and scary place. We’re stepping out on our own, wrestling with who we are, and trying to find our place in the world. As our consciousness and understanding of the physical world expands, we are also in the midst of a sometimes difficult inward journey. Confusion abounds; there seems hardly a piece of solid ground anywhere.
And many stumble.
In fact, here at DU we have lost two of our own to apparent suicides in the last three years. This past November, sophomore Paul Mershon reportedly took his own life. Asa Clinch, a classmate of mine at DU a few years ago, commited suicide as a sophomore in September 2005.
Is it any wonder, in such an environment, that we have contemplated taking our own lives? Are we insane for having done so?
Anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one, the short end of a bad break up, or any major adversity relative to his or her life can likely identify.
Please forgive me if I’ve wrongly included you in what I suspect is the majority of us who have contemplated life and death thusly. But take note: suicide happens in our age group. It is only common sense that such thoughts happen more often.
While there may be little published evidence to either refute or confirm my suspicion, based on my peers and my loved ones, suicidal thoughts, though typically only occasional, tend to be the rule, not the exception.
Yet suicidal thoughts are still the taboo, not just publicly, but in our own minds. Though we reject these thoughts out of fear, doing so only empowers them. If we are to learn from the tragic loss of young people like Asa Clinch, Paul Mershon and Heath Ledger, we must learn to identify suicidal thoughts of our own, and to expose and snuff out the fear at the root of them. This process must take place in our own minds and hearts.
But this is an uncomfortable process. If you feel “safe” reading this, try discussing it with a close friend and notice your mutual weirdness. Yet we must ask hard questions of ourselves. “Why do I think this destructive thought? What am I afraid of? Why do I feel a lack of love? Why do I feel unworthy of love? Am I unworthy? Am I unloved? Is that even possible?”
All of us have bought into some lie somewhere along the way. The object is to find that lie and expose it for what it is. The object is to embrace the truth. Each of us is worthy. Each of us is completely loved, here and now. No matter what hardships we go through, no matter the intensity of the emotions we have telling us that our pain and suffering is deserved, the simple truth is that each one of us is loved and deserve only that. Most often, we find, we are the only ones calling for our own punishment, and we are the ones doing the punishing.
We need not continue this cycle. We need only to become aware that we are holding ourselves in bondage. That awareness is the first step to removing ourselves from the cycle of guilt and punishment. We must embrace our fears if we are to be truly aware of them. We need run from them no longer.
Suicide is not the answer. Neither is running from the thought of it. Let us acknowledge our fears and walk through them. By doing so, they will naturally fade away, as no fear can survive in an environment of consciousness and love for very long. If you need help, as you most assuredly will, simply ask, and stand witness to the amount of love in your life coming to your aid.
Long after the cause of Heath Ledger’s death is determined, we will still deal with suicide. But if we confront it in our own minds, we honor the memory of all those young lives lost.
If you are considering hurting yourself, Campus Safety will assist you with a counselor on call 24 hours a day.
They are available at 303-871-2334.
For emergencies,
call 911 or 303-871-3000.
