You may be wondering how I approach the art of writing.

After all, it is hard to top my Whoopi Goldberg expose. Yet not everything can be a Goldberg article.

I have pinpointed three reasons why writing an article for the newspaper is more difficult than it seems: 1.You find yourself not able to solve any of the world’s problems or DU’s, for that matter in a witty manner. 2. Even though you may write articles in advance, you can’t guarantee getting them published on time, such as the time I wrote about the KISS FM station hiring the radio hacker they had. 3. There are only so many ways to report on alcoholics without naming names.

Sometimes I can provide an answer such as how to solve the economy and the parking situation at DU. My experience in solving parking at DU is also significant because I am already duking it out with an environmentally hazardous Nissan car.

It takes my parking spot even though it doesn’t need it. I know you exist my friend…so go park it somewhere else.

In addition, you start thinking that you need to write a great article.

The odds are that even if you do write an article of the century, or one that would even get published in The Denver Post, you might as well keep your answer to the meaning of life when Time Magazine wises up and swings down to DU to interview the girl of “The Selenio Show.”

Also, writing articles in advance does not secure you even finishing them. It’s like starting that 3-D puzzle that you got from a friend that doesn’t know you don’t have time to put it together but on top of that he gives you one of a castle, where the pieces look all the same.

So you end up not wanting to waste the gift and because you actually have a conscience, you proceed to glue the pieces even if they don’t fit.

Lastly, alcohol stories only get you so far in the realm of journalism and, well, resume enhancers for that matter. I mean who didn’t get drunk “last Thursday night” except for me and the nerds that actually tried doing their homework.

In sum, I hope that by pinpointing these areas of difficulty I can prevent incoming student’s long nights of crying through First-Year English.

I also hope I can get published in one of the books they use such as Opening Doors and use that money to pay off my Lenscrafters bill.