A-HA! You thought you were going to read something on Harry Potter, didn’t you?

You have my deepest apologies…sort of. In any case, we shall continue after my brief stint at toying with your nerdy emotions.

The dual purpose of my catchy title is to announce publicly that I have decided to return to the Clarion, and more importantly, to shamelessly promote my show on KVDU radio. It airs every Friday at 3 p.m. I can’t guarantee to find or have the songs you want, but rest assured, I will find you a Sweet ‘n’ Low imitation. If that doesn’t work, I will just keep promoting “May Days.”

No worries though. Besides promoting my comeback, I actually have a purpose to my article. Are we all ready? Do we all have our pens out? All right people, the point of my article is to discuss that which is the designer brand of Burberry.

Recently, I witnessed the sudden fascination with this brand and its trademark pattern. Yet, I find it hard to believe that it is nothing more than a compilation of outrageously priced flannel patterns. People, it’s basically flannel that you can get in the same colors at your local Target or (for you cheaper people) Wal-Mart where the price is always a value.

Furthermore, I don’t understand why people are wearing Burberry on their heads. Let me elaborate. Since my childhood I have understood that headbands come in a multitude of colors.

If you were alive in the late 80s and 90s, neon was the thing. Yet, even with these outrageous styles, no one ever wore a five-inch wide headband with autumn flannel colors. No one should wear a headband that is bigger than their head. Those who do just look like weird versions of Spartacus.

Now, I don’t discredit designer names. I myself have been known to own Prada glasses. Still, that was because it was the only pair that fit me properly. I bought them on credit because under Colorado law I need glasses in order to drive. Go figure. The point is that my glasses did not come in a flannel pattern, even though they were overpriced.

However, if presented with an opportunity like on The Learning Channel’s “What Not to Wear” I would gladly throw away all of my clothes for three precious Gucci shirts. But bear in mind I said Gucci, not Burberry.

In this crazy world of MTV, Burberry, Salvation Army and I-pods I only ask one thing. I ask that if you do purchase a piece of fabric that costs more than a visit to the dentist, make sure you can use it for multiple reasons: as a dog parka, a bed spread, a hair tie, a car-washing cloth or even as a rudimentary shoe.

Or else, you could try to trade in your Burberry for a DU tuition break.