The following letter to the Mayor is self-explanatory:

“Dear Mayor Chickenpooper

May I bring your attention, Sir, to DOGBIN, a campaign aimed at renaming the City of Denver.

“Denver” isn’t, frankly, an exciting name. It doesn’t reflect the true, vibrant, entrepreneurial and forward-looking ethos of the city. It isn’t good for business. It isn’t at all sexy. It’s just dull.

However, there is now an exciting, up-to-the-minute and sexy alternative. A Denver citizen, Gussie Carruthers, has just been voted “Fattest-Arsed Fecker” by the inhabitants of Feckuador.com, the web-based South American country. To honor this achievement, and to provide a 21st Century name for a 21st Century metropolis, we urge you to seize the opportunity to rename Denver “Gussie’s Butt”.

We at DOGBIN (Denver Out, Gussie’s Butt IN), thank you, Sir, for taking the time from your busy schedule to read this letter. We hope you are as inspired by the prospect of the change as the proud members of the business community of Gussie’s Butt will be, and all of us at DOGBIN most certainly are.”

Please support DOGBIN. Just think how much more proud you will be to have graduated from the sexy new University of Gussie’s Butt rather than the boring old University of Denver.

Faithfully,

Wee Shug HeffaHon. Secretary, DOGBIN