George Washington. Abraham Lincoln. Cicero. Martin Luther. Martin Luther King Jr. Ellen DeGeneres. Timothy Leary. Jefferson Davis. Bono. John Elway.

What do these men have in common, besides being the greatest leaders of all time? None of them ever enrolled in a leadership class.

The idea of minoring in a personal trait that is part innate, and part real world experience (not the reality TV show you watch) is ridiculous.

Come to think of it, there are quite a few majors and minors offered at DU that are ridiculous.

For instance, this paper featured an article last week announcing the formation of a sustainability minor. What, you might ask, is sustainability?

The people minoring in it are not even sure; they were just told by conformist left-wing professors that it will look good on a résumé. Buzz words are in these days, trust me, I read it in US Weekly.

On the upside, the introduction of this minor should guarantee a steady supply of Greenpeace volunteers to hassle you on Evans for years to come.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t end there. This brings us to HRTM, the granddaddy of all phony areas of study, which has served the sole function of making sociology look like a legitimate academic discipline on campus since 1946.

Any class where points are deducted for forgetting to bring your apron should be taught at a school that advertises on matchbooks, not at a university.

No really HRTM major, I think it’s great that you want to take over your father’s Red Robin franchise. I just don’t see why you can’t prepare for it at the University of Phoenix.

True, the word school is derived from the Greek σχολN. (schole), meaning leisure.

However, for the Greeks this meant debating the nuances of ethics (not the kind you learn in Daniels, real ethics) at the Academy of Athens.

For HRTM majors this means updating their Facebook statuses three times on their way to the Stadium after wine-tasting class.

I don’t want to offend HRTM majors with my pointed remarks, but none of them are literate beyond reading the instructions on a Kraft Macaroni and Cheese box, so it doesn’t matter anyway.

If we really want to make DU into a pedagogical powerhouse, the first step should be dropping these laughably unserious areas of study.

I have a feeling Chancellor Coombe, who has a background in chemistry, agrees with me, but I haven’t been able to find him on campus since Obama came to town.

My friend Drew recently told me his major in papier-mâché is too difficult. He’s switching to HRTM with a minor in leadership. Fancy that.