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Asylum and Zombieland, located in the same building off Monaco Parkway at 6100 E. 39th Ave, are best viewed together, although the houses themselves are only loosely connected.
Zombieland is introduced by an order: while going through, you must look and act like a zombie at all times.
Hence, you begin by lurching past room after room done up in typical zombie-movie fashion. There is an abandoned arcade, dilapidated homes and parking lots and a neon-lit bar where a furious actor screams at you to “get out!” Of course there are the zombies themselves, alternately dragging and running at full-on “28 Days Later” speeds.
The sets here are very effective, playing off the idea of a truly abandoned, zombie-infested city where normal people once might have lived – watch for a small kitchen with normal objects like a vacuum cleaner interspersed with the moaning undead.
At the end, you are approached by a man in a white lab coat who says, deadpan, “You can stop the ‘Thriller’ stuff now,” and ushers you in to part two: the Asylum. And what an asylum it is.
Actors in filthy hospital gowns abound, some weeping horribly on their cots, others screaming, cackling or shouting incoherently.
Animatronics play a significant part as the severed torso of an old man shudders violently on his walker, and the electroshock therapy room hums and sparks like the real thing.
Be prepared to have needles brandished in your face, as well as some very convincing maniacs invading your personal space while still obeying the strict no-touching rule.
And once you are done scrambling around tight corners and dozens of jump-out-and-scream mental patients, keep an eye out for the requisite maniac with a chainsaw who will terrorize you clear out of the exit.
All in all, the two houses work very well together, both utilizing high-quality props and great actors who work off your deepest, if less frequently stated, fears like aging, disease, hospitals and our tenuous grip on our own sanity.
13th Floor
Contrary to its name, 13th Floor does not, in fact, have 13 floors. It does, however, have plenty of scares based on primal fear like spiders, cannibalism and, of course, gruesome death.
You get your first hint of what is to come during the inevitable wait in line, at which point you are terrorized by a silent clown missing most of his skull, a ghoul in a top hat and (less terrorizing) a zombie with some pretty cool card tricks.
This was just the warm-up. When we first entered the haunted house, a theme became immediately apparent: this is a world populated by cannibal hicks straight out of “The Hills Have Eyes.”
This might have been the weakest part of the house, going on for just a little too long in a space too dark to really appreciate the decorations or the actors.
A shame, since the decorations themselves were superb: butchered teenagers hanging from the ceilings, a gratuitous use of bones and blood-spattered everything.
The action improved past the first hurdle, when you find yourself shuffled onto an “elevator” by a brassy, smart-mouthed cop in full SWAT gear, who informs you that you are about to enter the so-called 13th floor.
The scares here come full and fast: A mad scientist with a room full of enormous animatronic spiders cackles like a maniac, giant crocodiles lurch out of sewers and a tunnel made of spinning lights tricks your mind into thinking the bridge inside is tilting dramatically.
Participation is key, and if you plan on going through, be prepared to walk across narrow precipices, around tight corners and through smoke and inflatable pillows that press in on all sides to make for a claustrophobic’s worst nightmare.
The forced participation and exceptional animatronics make for a highly entertaining walk through, and while you might not have nightmares for weeks, 13th Floor is sure to keep you from sleeping for a few days.
