My Big Question is an ongoing segment exploring various topics and answering your curious questions.

Welcome back! As we begin week four (what???) it’s hard for me to believe that we’re close to being halfway through the Winter Quarter at the University of Denver. Everyone says that this quarter goes by the slowest, but so far it’s going by rapidly. Let’s get to the question…

This week’s big question: Why is adulting so hard, and how can I manage it?

This question came about one day as I tackled everything that seemed to lean in the “adult” direction–sending emails, making phone calls for appointments and applying for internships. Anyone else feel super adult-y sending a lot of emails? Just me? Oh well.

While college is all about school on the surface, everyone knows that it’s so much more than that. We are encouraged to join clubs and activities, make lots of friends, go out on the weekends and figure out our careers. 

In addition, we are expected to make this transition in the span of weeks, going from living at home to living on our own in a dorm, sharing our rooms, bathrooms, meals and classes with perfect strangers. Somehow this is normal in American culture.

In the next few short years, we are supposed to become financially responsible, juggle work vs. social life and figure out who we are, as well as who we want to be–a question that’s been asked of us since we were little. 

Adulting is “the practice of behaving in a way characteristic of a responsible adult, especially the accomplishment of mundane but necessary tasks.” It is the everyday things that may have been done for us at home, but that we are expected to complete now: laundry, dishes, taking out the trash, making food, paying bills, checking the mail… the list goes on and on. 

So how can we learn to manage all of this in a time of immense transition? As well as schooling and life choices? And why is it important?

Learning life skills range from beneficial to being “necessary for survival.” It also mentions that a research study from 2017 “indicates the development of life skills plays a vital role in our mental development and overall well-being.” It lays out five categories of life skills for adulting: domestic, financial, job, relationship and self-care. In order to help you begin adulting, I’ll go through each of the categories and suggest some ways to take baby steps into life management.

Domestic Skills

This might be an old-fashioned term, but it basically means household skills; it’s the things people think of when they imagine adulting, such as cleaning, cooking and laundry. Here are some tips to set your “house” (dorm? apartment? rental?) in order:

1. Choose one day to do laundry per week, and try to do it on the same day every week. If the laundry builds up, it can become overwhelming and a hassle to do in one day. Separate the clothes into darker clothes (gray, black, and brown colored clothes, as well as anything bright) and lighter clothes (whites, beiges, and creams) in order to prevent clothes from being ruined. It can also make the loads more manageable. Clean your sheets once every two weeks on the same day you do laundry. And whatever you do, DON’T USE TOO MUCH SOAP. 
2. Make a cleaning schedule with your roommate, and make it fun! Clean together and to music to make the time go faster. The weekends are usually the best time to do this, and try to do it at least once a month (once every two weeks minimum if you have a bathroom). 
3. Look up some easy recipes so you can practice cooking a simple meal. Make a grocery list and walk to the Safeway on Evans. Cook and share with your friends, and make sure you get some snacks as well.

 

Financial Skills 

While money may just be something that you spend at Illegal Pete’s (unpopular opinion:their queso is better than Chipotle’s), it is important that you keep some around for emergencies and know how much you have. Here’s some ways to begin to be financially savvy:

1. Use Google Sheets or Microsoft Excel to create a budget to track how much money you’re making vs. how much you’re spending. Here is an easy way to get started on a budget.
2. Start saving. Even if it is only $10 from every paycheck you make, it can add up quickly. Try and create a $500 emergency fund for yourself- that way if anything ever comes up, you’ll have money saved to use.
3. Get a credit card. The Discover student card is a great place to begin, since they usually take people who don’t have any credit to begin with, and have some great perks. You’ll need credit in the future to get apartments and buy cars. 

 

Job Skills

These are the ones you’ll probably hear about most often at school from professors and the advisors at the Burwell Center for Career Achievement. This is how you’ll get jobs on campus, receive internships and someday begin your career. Here’s where to begin on that long path:

1. Learn how to create a resume and cover letter. The Burwell Center has great resources such as one-on-one appointments, workshops and online PDF’s that students can use. As well, online resume builders such as Zety can be helpful as you develop your first resume–for a small fee of course.
2. Look for a job on PCO. DU makes a lot of on-campus jobs, as well as off-campus opportunities, available to students through this platform. Having a job can help build your resume, make money to practice your financial skills and give you experience.
3. Start building a professional wardrobe. The Burwell Center’s Career Closet can give you a place to start, but shopping at stores for basic items such as pants, nice shoes and a jacket can lead you to be ready for an interview and, soon, a job.

 

Relationship Skills

This is focused on how to create and maintain all kinds of relationships–familial, romantic, friendly, etc. Relationships definitely change as you get older. It becomes more up to you how you choose to interact, and how often you interact, with others. Here’s some ways to make the most of your relationships:

1. Consider attending therapy. This can either be by yourself or with your significant other. While therapy may seem simplistic, it is certainly not an easy fix and works in conjunction with other practices in order to improve yourself and your relationships. That being said, it can help you understand more about yourself and the people around you.
2. Join something you enjoy… off-campus. For example, I’ve always wanted to learn ballroom dancing, so I’ve looked into taking lessons at a little studio in Englewood. Perhaps you can find a favorite restaurant, museum or activity here in Denver that mimics something you enjoyed at home. It can help you stay grounded and feel closer to those things you miss, even when you’re far away.
3. Introduce yourself to your professors. While this seems so simple, building professional relationships with the staff and faculty can serve you in the long run when you need things like recommendation letters, advice and help finding a job. I also personally like getting to know the professors; it’s nice to be recognized in class.

 

Self-care

Even though this is at the end of the list, it is one of the most important things you can do to keep yourself sane through adulting. Self-care is very individualistic, so finding what works best for you is key. Regardless, here are some of my tips for self-care:

1. Develop a morning and/or nightly routine. This will ensure that you stay on track and have purpose in your actions. It can also mean that you sleep better, forget things less, and keep yourself and your room clean. In the morning, I suggest packing your backpack, having a skincare regimen and refilling your water bottle. In the evening, I suggest taking a shower, prepping food for the next day and reading before bed.
2. Make sure you exercise. DU not only has the Coors Fitness Center, but they also offer open swim times, open ice skating times and fitness classes. Exercise keeps you healthy, gets you out of your head, and gets the blood moving. As students who sit all day, it’s important to make sure we move our bodies for at least a little bit of time.
3. Have time devoted to yourself. In my busy schedule, I find that it’s really hard to even give myself five minutes a day where I don’t have to focus or think about anything other than myself and what I want to do. It’s really important to think about yourself and make sure you get time to enjoy who you are.

In the end, adulting takes time and practice. Even two years into college, I find myself overwhelmed by adulting and asking questions all the time. That’s why my final tip is this: make sure you keep adultier adults by your side–parents, aunts, uncles, mentors, professors–that you can ask for help. After all, they’ve been real adults for way longer than we have, and it’s nice to pull the “I’m not really an adult yet” card every once in a while. 

Next week’s big question: How do I connect myself to the DU community?