From the editor: This article deals with topics such as gender-based violence and sexual assault. If you identify as a survivor of gender-based violence and wish to seek support, visit du.edu/CAPE for confidential resources and contact information.
The last few weeks on campus have been heavy. With the creation of the account @wecanDUbetter, there is a greater awareness towards gender-based violence on campus. Beyond the outrage, anger and frustration that students have been feeling, it is important to remember to focus the conversation in a way that survivors feel empowered and supported, rather than discouraged.
When a survivor of sexual assault brings up their experiences to you, remember your role. You are not the judge, jury or lawyer. It is not up to you to determine the factuality of what the survivor confides in you, nor is it your role to try and sentence the perpetrator.
Listen. Do not ask for more details or information. You might be dying to know something, or part of their story might not make sense to you. But it is not your place—nor is it the time—to bring those questions up to the survivor. Sit and listen. Provide them a safe space in which they can simply talk.
Validate. Validate the emotions they are experiencing. Tell them that it is normal to be feeling the way that they do. Again, you do not need to know anything about what happened simply validate their emotions and feelings.
Thank them. Telling one’s story requires trust, and the fact that they are turning to you shows how much they have in you. Acknowledge it, and thank them for trusting you.
Protect them. Ask them what they are okay with and what they are not okay with. Ask them what they want from you—whether it be emotional or physical support. Be there in whatever capacity they require.
Do not tell others. The story that the survivor has told you is their story, and they alone have the power to tell it. You are not the one who should be telling others or even hinting at something happening.
Support them through every decision. A survivor can choose not to report their experience to the University. Regardless of the circumstances, that decision is theirs and theirs alone. They do not owe an explanation to anyone, whether it be a close friend or family member. They have the power to make the choice to report, and this power is theirs alone.
Take care of yourself. The weight of the world is not yours alone to bear. Take a walk, color in a coloring book or go for a hike. To support a survivor, you need to be the best that you can be, and in order to accomplish that, you must practice self-care.
