A group of vegans walks into a warehouse.

It’s not the opening line of a joke, but rather a monthly underground gathering; a group of Denver vegans corrals in a warehouse-turned-office-turned-urban garden tucked away near Five Points. They then proceed to eat an all-vegan dinner prepared by the local vegan collective Plants and Animals.

It’s fitting that the warehouse is called the Horse Barn; the people one sees at Chomp resemble a visit to a veritable vegan zoo. Or rather, a vegan wildlife park, as those with dreads, silver dollar-sized gauges and African tribal septum rings are commonplace here. Although the establishment had a very modern vibe, much to these Grinders’ disappointment, it had neither horses, nor was it a barn.

These hipsters don’t mind the bare-bulb lights strung from the exposed pipes and ceiling wood, and they gladly fork up the suggested $8-$10 donation for their beloved monthly Chomp meal. But to give less than $10 elicits a judgmental gaze from the organizers, who stare down through their coke-bottle glasses.
It’s recommended that attendees bring their own plates and silverware, and those who don’t may be greeted with a skeptical, pierced eyebrow raise from the friendly but firm donation bouncer greeting you at the front of the service line.

Perhaps the best part of the night is getting to carry the newly-acquired plate of shame down the line of Plants and Animals volunteers who cooked the food for the night. This is not only an opportunity to witness the latest in hipster fashion trends, but also allows for attendees to signal their acceptance of some very alien-sounding food onto their plates.

“Soy curls?”

“Vegan cheese sauce?” (Doesn’t this seem inherently paradoxical?)
“Sunflower seed cream?” (See previous parenthetical comment).

“Homemade habanero salsa?”

“Dessert tamales?”

“Vegan chipotle aioli?”

Chomp attendees pile it all on. And this month’s dinner was a special one. Each month has a different theme or focus; some months feature Estonian cuisine, others feature breakfast food or traditional vegan barbecue food. But this month, the theme was Cinco de Mayo. What could be better than eating vegan nachos with corny fiesta music playing in the background, surrounded by vegans in their natural habitat?

Gourmands beware (as if you weren’t already). The servings at Chomp are normally miniscule. Although May was an exception, the normal servings almost always leave one hungry, as the organizers never seem to have actually made enough food for the entire hungry crowd. They often call for seconds after everyone in the line has gone through, but the meagers pickings left after the vegans have non-violently stampeded through the Horse Barn consists of a few pieces of lettuce or a wanton sauce here or there.

Because the Horse Barn is close to downtown, do yourself a favor and stop off downtown for a dessert or a doughnut, something that will really satisfy after a vegan meal.