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There’s no denying that vampires are hot in Hollywood right now. Studios are scrambling to get just a tiny piece of the “Twilight” hysteria. This was more than likely a very large contributing factor in the making of “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant.” It’s unfortunate that instead of becoming a unique and interesting product of pop-culture’s obsession with the fanged terrors of the night, this film is nothing more than another dumb vampire movie.
The story follows Darren Shan (Chris Massoglia) and his best friend Steve (Josh Hutcherson). Both are pretty unsatisfied with their lot in life, though Darren is quieter about it. Things abruptly change when Darren and Steve attend a one night freak show where they cross paths with the vampire Crepsley (John C. Reilly). Eventually, circumstances necessitate that Darren must make a deal with Crepsley to become his half-vampire assistant in order to save Steve’s life, and in doing so he is thrust into the middle of a war between rival factions of vampires.
Odds are good that the movie gives a heavily amended version of the whole story, based on the books by British author Darren Shan. Things move along very quickly and the audience is left with little time to figure out exactly what is going on. Despite this, major holes in the plot are largely avoided, as are deep characterization and anything more than a shallow summary of what it is the evil vampires are up to.
The quality of the performances is the film’s weakest point. Reilly’s portrayal of the vampire Crepsley is the highlight of the film, as the comedic actor showcases his talent for being more than just a lovable half-wit. Unfortunately, other veteran actors such as Ken Watanabe and Willem Dafoe receive entirely too little screen time. It is left to the largely adolescent cast of main characters to carry the film. This is unfortunate, because Massoglia has all the charisma and personality of a hat filled with soup. Hutcherson only emotes slightly better, upgrading himself to hat filled with a hearty stew.
If you’re hankering for some hot vampire action, you’re better off waiting for “New Moon” to come out in November. “Cirque du Freak: The Vampire’s Assistant” is not the worst vampire movie ever made, but even by the most generous assessment, it is utterly mediocre. This is one film that probably should have stayed in the coffin.
